I was driving Pete back to work yesterday, so I could visit the horses that are at the Fairgrounds, and we passed a house in our neighborhood that has weeds growing nearly as tall as the house in the front yard. Pete told me that there had been an article in the paper recently that said that the city had given the owners of that house a $5000.00 fine for having an abundance of weeds in their front yard. Apparently, the city had made several previous attempts to contact the owners to inform them that they needed to take care of their weeds, all with no response from the owners. The reason the owner has not replied to anything is because he is dead. A short time ago his wife left him and took their kids with her and so he shut himself up in his car, in his garage... I"m sure you can figure out the rest.
This incident has had me questioning the way we, as a society, do things. It seems we reward (or ignore) "good" people, or the "good" things people do, and we punish "bad" people. I've been noticing how well (or, not so well) this has been working.
What might this world look like if we helped the "bad" people, who are doing "bad" things? In the case of the overgrown lawn, I imagine it would have been more cost effective and compassionate to just mow it, then to send numerous threatening letters and finally slap them with a fine.
Aren't "bad" people, who are doing "bad" things suffering already? I mean, people who are healthy, happy and well don't do "bad" things. So, a person who is behaving in "bad" ways is just acting out the inner badness with in him/her. When we then punish that person, doesn't it seem to create more badness, therefore perpetuating, instead of healing, their suffering?
I will be as bold as to say, punishment never works. Never. Not for what we as a species say we want. We want peace, happiness, and freedom, right? Punishing people goes against all 3 of these things and installs a cycle of suffering that can only be escaped through compassion.
Back in the old days, when neighbors were "neighborly", someone would have gone over there and taken care of the yard for the family, but, the family does not own that house anymore (I'm assuming). It has been reverted back to the bank, and, I'm sure, that if you, or anyone else were to try to do anything to "help", they would be looking at some kind of legal problems by either the bank or the city (trespassing, etc.). Times are different, and people don't care anymore. They just live their "own" lives, and nothing more. It's all about "me". Just sayin'...
ReplyDeleteUntil, and unless, it's not, eh? ; )
ReplyDeleteI didn't see your comment til just now. For some reason it doesn't notify me if you leave a comment...
It really should never have gotten to that point. Fixing the problem begins within the small community. If some of his neighbors maybe offered their friendship or concern he may not have killed himself. It's good that the city did intervine, or he'd probably still be rotting in the car. So sad.
ReplyDeleteI think that in some ways you are correct and in other ways you are not. In the broader, feed the world, one guy down the street in Moses Lake sense your argument is beautiful. For me, where it falls apart, is on my front porch/stairs when I ask the passed out drunk guy or the hooker flagging down cars or the junkie shooting up to please go somewhere else to do what they're doing. **And I do mean that literally! I am INCREDIBLY polite when I ASK because, clearly, they know where I live and I fear retalliation.** To be fair, most of them leave straight away and a few have even apologized. There are the ones that have sat on my front steps, smoking crack or drinking 4 Loco (or whatever) that have told me to fuck off.
ReplyDeleteI still think that, perhaps, your argument is correct but it is hard to hold to the saying "there are no bad people, only bad acts". I know you will argue with me (because that's what we do with each other!) but it is impossible to feel compassion for the sort of person who is constantly violent or on the edge of violence and has clearly made his OWN choice about the worth of his life and feels that there are no rules which apply to him. It doesn't matter that I own, clean, maintain, hose down those stairs; his world is just that - his.
Hard to feel compassion when you find both a homeless person and his voimit on your front porch in the morning and it's not the first time. Hard to feel compassion when you find discarded panties in your driveway along with a butt print on your car (okay, you can laugh at that one, it is giggle-worthy).
I hope to whatever it is you believe in that you NEVER, EVER have to know what it feels like to wake up at 2:30 in the morning to the sounds of someone inside your house quickly followed by the sounds of that person kicking your dog then fighting with your husband and throwing large metal chairs at him and through your windows and then having to run from him when he starts chasing you.
I sincerely hope you never have to go through that but I promise you that if you did your ideas of who to feel compassion for would skew ever so slightly. You come in my house and threaten the creatures that I hold most dear and then threaten me? No. There is no compassion whatsoever. The only thing I will feel next time, if there ever is one, is the recoil of my 12 gauge.
For me, it is impossible NOT to feel compassion for the person who is constantly violent or on the edge of violence. These people may have chosen their own self worth, but they may not be conscious of what they've chosen. Or worse, they may have decided that they are worthless. No wonder they're so full of anger. I can't help but contemplate what could have driven them to come to the conclusion that their life isn't worth anything. Upon imaginative contemplation, I always figure that the said violent person must have had at least a few pretty horrible things happen in his or her life. Or, I guess that maybe the way they process things in their own mind must be detrimental to their own well being. No one wants to feel bad. Some people just can't see that their making poor choices. Or, they can't hear the part of themselves that is telling them that they are no good, so they can tell that nasty little voice that it's wrong. So, they just go on believing that they are NO good and living life from that perspective. Then they create scenarios that will prove to themselves that they are right, that they are NO good, and so it goes.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what was going on in the head of the man that invaded your home, kicked your dog, fought with your hubby, and chased you, but, I sincerely wish that I did. In his own mind you guys were an enemy. Maybe someone told him that there was something he desperately needed in your house, and he just needed to go in there and get it. Or, maybe he was in a drug induced dream and thought you guys were the Antichrist's and he was going to take you out, to save the rest of humanity. I am sorry that you had to go through that as I imagine it was beyond terrifying. I am not suggesting that people just lay down and let violence happen to them. Defend your family and the people and things you love dearly. But then, finding forgiveness for the person who tried to harm you is essential, or you will become like him. Violence starts as a refusal to have tolerance, understanding, acceptance and love in your heart and head.
I love you, Ladi Dadi! Thanks for engaging in this most fabulous dialogue with me!