Why is it so hard to speak....?
It seems that my whole life has occured in my thoughts and it seems like such a daunting task to get those thoughts to come out and play.
Take today for instance.... I went to the gym on my lunch break and attended my workout class called Zumba (way fun if you've never tried it) and I wanted so badly to let my instructor know what I've been thinking now for the past four weeks. I wanted to tell her that I think her classes are great and I have started to look forward to Wednesday's because of them and her small yet mighty warrior cry she lets out during the routine inspires my body to move faster and try harder.....except I didn't say any that. I left. I left dissappointed in myself....because I let a stupid fear of sounding dumb or corny or cheesy prevent me again from speaking. I probably would have made her day.....
Instead I felt my silence.
It's time to break free.
I don't know why it is so hard to speak, but it is. And, although Rachel says she can in no way relate to us in that department, I feel exactly as you do...
ReplyDeleteThere are times where the curtains close on our mind. They slowly draw closed and eclipse the bright stage lights that we feel are for us.
ReplyDeleteIn those fleeting moments when the curtains are just about to close, the light is brightest. This is when we are "supposed" to reach through and wipe the curtains of mental closure open. This is when we are supposed to let the bright light shine onto our face and bask in the warmth, feeling the glow.
All you have to do is reach through. Poke your hand into the space between the folds and wiggle your fingers just a bit. The next thing you know your arm will be in just enough for you to spread open the space between.
Once is all it takes for you to be able to do it a second time.
There are people who are waiting...they see your light.
Now let it shine.
While I believe Mark's comment to be true, speaking your thoughts more in situations like this will make it easier for you to do so in the future, I think there is also an upside to not speaking.
ReplyDeleteFor example, if you'd said something, the teacher would have felt great and you would have felt proud. But that would have been the end of it. Instead, by not speaking, you are inspired. You have inspired yourself to think about ways to improve yourself or ways that you can make others feel better, or inspired to think of beautiful photographs of broken and unbroken light bulbs. You are probably still thinking and imagining other scenarios and images because you didn't say anything.
Perhaps your voice was silenced, but your imagination has blossomed.
Wow. Pete, Mark, Kristina... you guys are such amazing, supportive, creative, beautiful people and your words made my heart grow 2 sizes. I love you guys!
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